KEEPING YOUR FAITH

I recently heard from another victim/survivor who is having trouble with her faith due to abuse by a "rabbi". She will know who she is when she reads this. There is one thing to remember - when a rabbi sexually abuses a congregant - it has NOTHING to do with Hashem whatsoever. Hashem is NOT responsible for your abuse. This is what comes with free will. Your abuser is not a real rabbi - he is an abomination before G-d. Abusers like that are evil and will have to answer for what they have done after they face their final judgment. Rabbi's who abuse can turn their victims off to Judaism and Hashem. This happens and spiritual issues take the longest to heal.

Please remember that Hashem weeps with you over what has happened. I think you will find, as I did, that when you reach out for help - Hashem will guide you to advocates who can help you. I am still working on my spiritual issues - I have no healed yet. I took a long sabbatical, if you will, from shul and davening with other Jews. I am now ready to go back to shul and re-enter the Jewish community again. I needed the time to take stock and find out what I really wanted and needed. I find that I really miss devening with my fellow Jews so I decided to start going to shul again. I would tell anyone who has been abused by a rabbi this: the prayers and songs at shul will be triggers that will cause you to relive your abuse but don't give up. It takes a long time to heal - keep moving forward with babysteps. Find a shul where you feel safe and continue to attend. Eventually you will start to feel better - but it does take a long time. My abuse happened in 1999 and 2000. I stopped attending shul for about 2 years. I am finally ready to go back. I pray that you too will find a way to salvage your Judaism and move forward. My prayers are with you and all other survivors.

To Raizie:

I wanted to publish your poem on my blog - not just in the comments. You have a talent for writing. It's good to see victim/survivors use creative outlets to process their abuse. Please consider sending me an e-mail. I would like to assist you but it's difficult through a blog. I am currently advocating for several other victim/survivors on a one-on-one basis by e-mail and phone. Your identity is safe with me - I am a victim/survivor too. If you want to contact me directly, send an e-mail to: chavah5760@socal.rr.com and I will try to help you.


A POEM BY RAIZIE:

Peering beneath the yarmulke; behind the bimah;
Ever prayerful, ever watching
Invoking the name of Adonai
He lifts his strained voice in praise
Droning on with a lifeless chant

One eye on the Lord
And one eye on the Prize
The Master Manipulator
Creates his aura of holiness;
His invisible cloak obscuring the Evil Urge

Making a show of charity,
He counsels the elderly; he comforts the bereaved;
He is a pious man; a man of the Lord
Now he too is praised for his great work
And none will question his sincerity

He woos with guitar and drum,
Prayer and poem,
Shabbos candle, wine, and kosher food
His chanting weaves a spell; a Covenant between Master and Master
A promise of Broken Tablets

There is a victim around every corner;
One who is willing to keep his secrets
One who, for some time, is quite “special”
The list grows until he must move on to greener pastures,
Having used up all the innocence and vulnerability he can find

Believing he has covered his tracks behind him
And that Hashem will continue to forgive and bless
Regardless of the sins not yet committed,
He moves with even greater stealth onto a new canvas,
Seducing the adult and leaving behind the child

Beware the Rabbi.