KEEPING YOUR FAITH

I recently heard from another victim/survivor who is having trouble with her faith due to abuse by a "rabbi". She will know who she is when she reads this. There is one thing to remember - when a rabbi sexually abuses a congregant - it has NOTHING to do with Hashem whatsoever. Hashem is NOT responsible for your abuse. This is what comes with free will. Your abuser is not a real rabbi - he is an abomination before G-d. Abusers like that are evil and will have to answer for what they have done after they face their final judgment. Rabbi's who abuse can turn their victims off to Judaism and Hashem. This happens and spiritual issues take the longest to heal.

Please remember that Hashem weeps with you over what has happened. I think you will find, as I did, that when you reach out for help - Hashem will guide you to advocates who can help you. I am still working on my spiritual issues - I have no healed yet. I took a long sabbatical, if you will, from shul and davening with other Jews. I am now ready to go back to shul and re-enter the Jewish community again. I needed the time to take stock and find out what I really wanted and needed. I find that I really miss devening with my fellow Jews so I decided to start going to shul again. I would tell anyone who has been abused by a rabbi this: the prayers and songs at shul will be triggers that will cause you to relive your abuse but don't give up. It takes a long time to heal - keep moving forward with babysteps. Find a shul where you feel safe and continue to attend. Eventually you will start to feel better - but it does take a long time. My abuse happened in 1999 and 2000. I stopped attending shul for about 2 years. I am finally ready to go back. I pray that you too will find a way to salvage your Judaism and move forward. My prayers are with you and all other survivors.